Gocce di pioggia

After weeks of dry and sunny days, rain has finally arrived and it has also brought so much confusion in my life, which eventually turned my warm room into to a place full of turmoil - I hate to be in a position where I know nothing about the future. 

Perhaps, I should say, the uncertainty is explicitly killing my mind and by the day I feel weaker and weaker! I've been told so many times, that I should take it as it comes, but for god sake, my ambitions, my willingness to fight and that desire to be....

While I’m writing this post I can loudly hear like heavy raindrops bombarding my window – I must immediately stop typing and see all those infinitive raindrops that fall from a place I know little of! They fall to their destination as if they had a purpose or a meaning to their short but meaningful trip. I wonder, perhaps we are like the rain. On a voyage to a place we know little of hoping to make the best of what we have.

Buonanotte!

....

You were only away for a few days, but I felt like someone locked me in an empty house in the middle of an endless Siberian winter! Although it wasn't cold outside, it was dark beyond human imagination inside - my heart was like a lonely iceberg drifting in the Arctic sea, whereas my mind felt like it was held in some dreaming state!

 Do you know that every night whilst you were miles away, my mind was saying goodnight to you? That was almost like a beautiful letter written by a magical pen which was given to my soul by the god of love - Eros! I waited patiently for you, and you had rewarded me tonight by giving me a chance to hear your softness whisper and......... That smile. I will see your blue eyes again - Merci

Paroles

Une promesse

I've started playing songs which one after another  painted in my mind a part of your unforgivable smile - I miss you! Oh no, wait! My heart misses you more than my soul and anything that surrounds me. It's difficult to forget all nights and days where I was writing to you or waiting to hear your voice. Do you know that whenever I go back home and sit down in my garden, I can almost hear your whisper? Why did you decide to take a different road? Why did you decide to walk away leaving me with a painfully crying heart? You made a promise that one day we will together open our eyes in sunny Paris - you must already forgot that. Perhaps, I should let my mind to hide your words deep inside where my heart would never find them.

Personal - I

I haven’t forgotten about you – my blog ;) Although, it’s quite difficult to keep simultaneously posting on two blogs. I didn’t betray this, book – this is how I love calling my blog. But, I felt like I needed to create another one, where I can actually talk more about myself. Or perhaps I should say, where all the posts are evidently reflecting on what is happening in my life and my mind. Anyhow, I will still be here, continuously adding new words – this place is more than a religion for me! 

....and that song

A thought from - That Café

It’s been almost a thousand years since someone spoke to you for the last time – or at least this is how it feels.

You have been sitting utterly alone in your little secret room, waiting for someone who will show you the light - who will pass you a warm hand and take you out. Feeling forgotten by the Creators of the world, you have started painting in your mind the dream planet. The unique place with the wooden house, butterflies flying around or even larks singing! A house somewhere between glade of trees, almost as if it was built in Southern France.  Seeing yourself lying down on a softest meadow in the middle of the night - staring at million shining stars just to find the special one.  The only star which will be falling down and bringing the light like a fire of burning heart’s desire. “Do you hear me coming under the lonesome moon’s breeze”?........ No I don’t! 

Two more years

I sat down in my garden the other day - Yes, this garden, not any other! Happily watching two cats chasing each other and enjoying minute by minute that fresh air that has so much positive fluids, a thought appeared in my head. I shall say, a spiritually motivating thought, which said " Only two more years, and you will be free of that pressure!" The heavy baggage which I have carried for years, will be gone and I will become a free man" Two more years, and I will say goodbye to the Island where my heart has been always in pain. I surely want this to happen now - but I'm not ready yet. However,at that moment, I made a promise to myself, that i will do everything that is possible to pack my suitcase and forever leave the place which has been psychologically killing me for almost a decade. I'm becoming too weak to carry on pretending that I'm happy!

.........

I closed my eyes and I saw the sea wants to kiss the golden shore, I saw the sunlight warms my skin - All the beauty that I left behind me. One day, the same wind will take care of me and take me back to my place where I will build a house in the trees.

That moment on Friday evening.....

As soon as I walked through the front door, I almost ran to my room to cuddle my pillows - without paying any attention to where I dropped my jacket, left my shoes or if I needed to turn the lights on. At that moment, nothing really mattered – I only wanted to feel soft blue pillows on my crying cheeks. That was the unique moment where the little boy who lives deep in my heart decided to walk out from my heart and show his flawless face in reflection of falling tears.

 For hours my body lay down without a determination to move even an inch. Whoever was looking at me at that moment from the top of the Mount Olympus, quite precisely could see a human body that had seemingly lost its soul. Momentarily, the whole human world didn’t exist for my eyes, hands or always smiling face – it has gone into dark abyss. But unlike my dying body, my mind was in heaven. I saw myself sitting in the garden, watching the blue sky during the warm day like having tea in my family home. 

That moment was so essential for me, for my soul which becoming weaker virtually every morning. Thus, I don’t know how many more sunsets my eyes would welcome together with open arms as well as how many more chances to visit my beautiful green woodland I would get from the Oracle......

I haven’t started smiling yet, but at least my heart is beating again!

Un autre voyage

Who could have predicted that after I spent only two hours with you talking and smiling at the Frankfurt’s airport, I will be so inspired to visit you and your amazing looking City within a few weeks after we caught the flights to completely different places?

I didn’t wonder for too long, whether I should stay or go – I just booked the flights.

Interestingly, I always wanted to have a coffee in one of the Swiss towns, but I never had that much courage to do it. Suddenly, she made me to take that step without thinking of it too much.

I arrived in early afternoon when happily, sun was still shining so high - walking as quickly as possible to leave the busy airport. In one hand I’m holding my passport in the other, a small brown teddy bear with a blue blow to make you smile. It worked – eventually

The old town was simply breathtaking. Everything was exactly like I painted in my dreams. Not to mention about the lake view from the top of the old square where i was taken by you.

Long walk along medieval streets and that one of a kind coffee at the end of our journey. That was the moment that my mind loved forever.

 I’m writing this letter after days I came back home, and still can’t forget about the place where despite chilly evening, I sat outside with little cup of coffee and together with my heart I was taking the moment.  

Au revoir! Genève

The Blue Eyes

You sent a letter with a beating heart, deeply hidden under a few written words. With a trembling hand and crying eyes, you composed your last message to say, that you were always looking. Trying to find, to reunite two stray souls which one day were happily living together. But just before you had forever closed your blue eyes, with dying breath, you looked at the shining star to let your mind see the last ray of hope. Then, your hand fell down, and your soul flew away from your little planet

Personal

Once again, I am a traveller. A few days after I came back home, I’m travelling towards another destination. Standing in the middle of a completely new terminal, my eyes seeing people who speak in unknown languages to me. People who are more likely to be running away from something rather than peacefully walking around. I want to say a simple word – Hi – but, my voice disappears in a horrible sounding noise that is made by humans. I noticed an empty chair far away from me, so I walk there. Suddenly, my mind brought back all of the memories from my previous journey, almost like someone did it to me purposely. I can hear a song which starts with the words “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. At that moment, my heart cried, because it didn't know that after a few days, when I fly again, I will meet her – a woman who will be standing with a coffee in her lovely hand.

Dying to be together

I’m finally holding in my hand, the same pen that was given to me as a blessed gift from the creator of the entire Universe. The same pen which helped me to write early one summer’s day, the story about a little Island with a woman who forever waits on a sandy shore. A woman, who kept looking for the boat that was promised by Venus to bring to her the man’s heart, who she had loved in her previous life. Years of impatience waiting to see and touch for the very last time the love of her life before she closes her blue eyes - forever.One day, when the Sun was warmer than ever, she suddenly noticed a white bird flying above the shore and screaming loudly “look!he is coming!”. She looked at the blue sea and, finally, she sees the boat with the promised gift. Now, with crying eyes, she is reaching the heart to feel it for the very last time. But, together with her touch, the heart turned into her forever loved one, whose eyes were alive like he had never died in the past. For a second, they stand together, alive and looking into each other’s eyes. That was a time when they said their last goodbye and walked together towards the shining star which was the beautiful, open arms of Venus

I haven't forgotten

By the light of the Moon

Do you still remember the open window where in warm summer nights, just after you closed your eyes, you felt the softest touch of the goddess of the Night? She was always coming together with the wind which was like a guardian to protect you both from the angry human world. You kept a scented Lily of the valley candle on the windowsill to show her the path to your uncovered arm. The touch was like a unique moment of the day where you were born with no painfully crying heart and eyes dying from loneliness. It was like a dream about a planet hidden far away behind thousands of galaxies somewhere in the Universe. The little planet with two souls holding their hands and floating above the blooming apple orchard. That was the place where you heard singing larks and saw flying nobly butterflies. No pain, no hatred - just heavenly peacefully time.


But the burned candle brought your soul back, and you had to say good bye to walking away your lady of the Night.

"Youth"

We are the wild youth chasing visions of our futures. One day we will reveal  the truth that one will die before he gets there

Hope of life

A little boy who had closed his innocent eyes just before the shining sun said loudly goodbye, looked through his little window which was like a painting of Mount Olympus for the last time. He saved in his mind the unique view of his little planet and took it with him for the longest journey of his life. He became a traveller,who left an always green land with a stream reflecting the blue sky , to find the only magical path that could take him to the happiness.

Now,after centuries of walking alone, he is standing in the middle of an empty desert and with his dying heart, he is dropping crying his last tears.

He was a brave traveller who believed he could find happiness. Now, he is a flying angel.

January and his memories.....

This place has not changed since you were standing there for the last time. The same bench, the same moon and almost identically cold wintry wind precisely whispering to you in the secret language that can only by understood by you; you are standing' once again in the place where a few years ago, your enthusiastic mind was full of hope and beautiful dreams. Momentarily, you looked at the shining stars and realized how foolish you were for keep dreaming so many nights. Now, you don't have these dreams nor the beautiful hope which kept you coming to this place.

This place isn't really the same - it has lost your soul....

Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?

Maybe one day....

A few minutes of impatience, waiting at a cold and windy station where the sun’s warm rays barely could reach my eyes. Only now can I feel it, a whisper of my beating heart that tells me it’s only a few minutes left before the train arrives and I see her again. To see again, the woman to whom my heart has been beating continually since I saw her beauty for the first time. It’s been many years of hope and countless dreams where, in a different world, we walked together through a meadow full of flowers.

After a few minutes.... a train arrives and hundreds of strangers flock through the opened doors. Among them, I finally see the unique, smiling face. She is here! We are here! This isn’t just a dream! Now, walking together side by side, we talk to each other in a real human language  and look at the medieval buildings that surround us. An old medieval square, still full of Christmas spirit, and two of us.

When the day had started, saying goodbye to let the heavenly, beautiful night take guard of all of us, deep inside my heart I started feeling like a person who was touched by an angel and suddenly I felt her hand touching mine. The sky was already full of stars. The moon, little street lamps, and a singing woman in the front of the old church, made the moment feel like my most wanted dream. Everything was precisely like a romantic poem written by God himself, who suddenly decided to show his existence and create this moment just for me, or maybe for both of us?!

I didn’t want to go sleep, as I knew that the next morning would be the last moment that we were going to spend together. I touched her hand, and stroked her hair while she was slowly awaking.  I gazed into her eyes like a paralyzed man that is unable to move. My soul was amazed by the special charm that only she has.

Time became my biggest enemy, running like an animal that cannot be stopped or slowed down by any human or its wildest prey .Our last walk where, for a moment, I softly touched her velvet-like hand. She will never find out how many tears of happiness were falling, not from my eyes but, from my heart.

Suddenly, we are standing at the same cold train station, where we must say goodbye and walk away into separate directions. I want to say so many words, adore her ‘til the last moment but, Hades has decided to ruin everything and take my happiness away from me.

The train has left, and now I’m standing right beside the God of the underworld who made me feel like my heart has been killed once again. I will wait for you, even though I must wait once again long 5 years.